Attachment Made Simple - What is Attachment?

What is Attachment?

1. It is an evolutionary drive which is responsible for your urge to take care of and to enjoy your baby. It is an evolutionary drive which is responsible for the fact that your baby cries when she needs attention, or in some way lets you know that she needs you to care for her or play with her. It is these two urges coming together in repetitious interactions which creates attachment.

2  It is based on decades of strong empirical evidence which began with Dr. John Bowlby in the 1940’s.

3.  Attachment patterns literally grow the brain, and become programmed in the right prefrontal cortext.  It is this part of the brain which is responsible for emotional regulation (the ability to stay within an appropriate window of excitability or calm).  Thus we can say that attachment creates emotional regulation for life.

 4.  Babies’ signals that they need mom or dad are called cues.  While crying is the best known cue, these cues can take many forms, such as laughing, moving towards you, reaching for you, looking at you, clinging to you, making eye contact, or a myriad of other gestures and behaviors.  As the child moves out of babyhood, these cues may include temper tantrums, or an array of difficult behaviors which look like deliberate “misbehaviors”.  

5.  At the core of attachment, it’s about managing the fact that the world feels like a scary place to be, and, “Mom, Dad, I need you to protect me, and to help me understand my feelings.”  

6.  Attachment is like a circle.  The baby gives a cue.  The parent responds. Parent initiates a response.  Baby responds.  And on and on.  As baby grows older, baby starts exploring the world, and moves away from mom and dad.  But as she ventures out, she needs to come back to “touch base.”  As she is welcomed back, she is then enabled to venture out again.  

7.  This circle of moving out to explore the world, and coming back to touch base goes on through all of development.  It just looks different at different ages.  Children need to be welcomed back at all ages and stages of development.  

8.  The attachment circle is the foundation for all domains of development—cognitive, social, emotional, and motor.  If development has not gone well in one or more areas, strengthening the attachment relationship can assist with helping development get back on track.  

9.  Attachment patterns begin inutero and are believed to stabilize at about 6 months of age, but can always be changed with attachment focused parenting or attachment focused therapy. 

10.  Attachment patterns first develop through sensory pathways:  sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. Your baby’s entire world during the early weeks and months of life consists of what is experienced through her eyes, ears, skin, nose, and mouth.  Thus, her experience of you through these pathways are the beginnings of attachment.  

11.  Attachment patterns are lifelong, and can be addressed at any age, including adulthood.  It’s not just for babies.  Conscious, attachment parenting is appropriate for all age children.  Conscious, attachment living is appropriate for all ages.

12.  Key ingredients for successful attachment relationships are interactions of joy and delight between parent and child, and attuned communication (“I get what’s on your mind”).  The same is true for adults.

13.  Attachment patterns indicate how safe or fearful we experience the world at any point in time.

14.  Simple definition of an attachment disorder:  a very scared child.