Keys for Building Secure Attachments with Your Baby
1. Enjoy your baby.2. Delight in your baby.
3. Be completely absorbed in your baby.
4. Follow your baby’s lead.
5. Respond on demand.
6. Remember you cannot spoil a baby.
7. Gaze at your baby.
8. Play with your baby.
9. Stimulate your baby, but don’t overdo it. Pace it.
10. First, calm yourself if caring for your baby becomes frustrating.
11. Give intention to self-care. Your moods matter.
12. Let some routine chores (like housekeeping) go.
13. Ask the grandparents to take care of you rather than the baby.
14. Self-reflect on how you were parented as a baby. This will give clues as to how you will respond to your baby.
15. Read Parenting From The Inside Out by Dan Siegel and Mary Hartzell, and other attachment parenting books.
16. Be conscious of eye contact, tone of voice, and facial expressions.
17. Seek to repair quickly if your baby has become distressed. Stay with your baby during times of distress, even if it seems that you cannot console her. Your presence matters even if it seems that it doesn’t.
18. Have lots of skin contact.
19. Don’t hand your baby to someone else unless your baby let’s you know it’s OK. Facilitate this transition by letting your baby know who it is and what is happening.
20. Cultivate transition facilitating behaviors.
21. Let your baby know you understand how she is feeling. She will understand your tone of voice, and your nonverbal language.
22. Introduce your baby to prospective childcare providers in advance. Give your baby a chance to develop a relationship before leaving her alone with the provider.
23. Nurture your relationship with your partner. Having a baby can strain your relationship, and your baby will know it. Learn to communicate honestly and lovingly. It is possible to stay true to yourself while also validating how your partner feels. (i.e. You don’t have to “give in” to your partner to express appreciation for how they feel.)
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